Fingers crossed

Think my cat that's been missing for 13 months came home last night.

He's gone again for now.

Fingers crossed he comes back.

Questions

Can you suck a Rowntrees Fruit Pastille?

hmmm.....

Daft conversations make me smile

just now via text...

Boyf:- How's Work?

Me:- Ok Can't seem to think straight today, Brain feels like it's made of Candy Floss

Boyf:- Pink or Blue?

Me:- Today it's actually yellow, which is rather odd because normally it's pink

Boyf:- I've never had yellow candy floss, but then again I don't plan on eating your brain either

Just wondering....

Why do they call it being fast asleep? There's nothing fast about it...


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Quote of the Day

The only way to have a friend is to be one

~ Henry David Thoreau

15 Movies in 15 Minutes

So since Lori and Scarlett have already done it and I don’t like being left out, I’ve tagged along with this half-inched from facebook meme…It works like this – In no more than 15 minutes, come up with 15 films that for some reason have stuck with you. Don’t think too hard, just go with what comes to mind

1) Santa Claus the Movie - I remember going to see this at the cinema when it first came out. Just me and my Dad, we’ve both loved the film ever since, and it’s not just a watch it at Christmas favourite, but I think it’s less about the film and more about an afternoon, just the two of us.

2) Shaun Of The Dead - It just cracks me up, and you can’t get a better homage to the works of George A Romero anywhere….

3) Christine - The first car I fell I love with

4) Time Bandits - An epic battle of Good vs Evil, with short people…. It’s great when you’re 8, and it’s Terry Gilliam after all…

5) The Transporter - Jason Statham and the fight in the bus station, ‘nuff said!

6) The Crow - I like the thought that love is that strong, and besides isn’t there someone we all want to get our own back on...

7) The Living Daylights - The last film I went to see where they still stopped for an interval, and you all trooped off to the little shop for some ice cream.

8) The Lost Boys - My own original vampire flick

9) St Elmo’s Fire - the brat pack, the music, and the coming of age.

10) Clue - I used to spend hours with my best friend reciting the scene about how many bullets were in the gun. Simple things eh?

11) Beastmaster - Crying when the ferrets end up the fire….

12) Memento - Thank heavens for DVD easter eggs….

13) 8MM - Disturbing? Maybe, Good? Definitely, and whatever you may think about Nicholas Cage, I like him.

14) HollowMan - Great special effects, and the interesting question, what would you do if you didn’t have to face yourself in the mirror every morning

15) Ferris Bueller’s Day Off - ‘Life moves pretty fast, you need to take a day off every once in a while…’


Now it's over to you, and don’t forget to link back in the comments once you’re done…

Mood of the day = meh!

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

By a slightly roundabout route...

A random conversation that kindof demonstrates how my mind works....

Me:-

'Who's that bloke that did the song that was in the charts forever... You know that irritating Robin Hood whatever I do lovey song?'

Mate:-

'Bryan Adams'

Me:-

'Thanks'

Mate:-

'Why?'

Me:-

'Wanted to know when I saw 'The Farm' in concert'

Mate:-

'WTF?'

Me:-

'Well I remember that song being played on the train on the way to the concert and me saying to my mate - God I Fuckin' Hate this Song!, so if I know when the song was in the charts, I know when I went to the concert....'

One quick wikipedia search and I remember... (honestly)

Freshly invigorated

Yep, I am feeling all enthused once more.‬‪

The reason?  Harrogate of course….‬‪‬‪

3 days spent in the company of internationally renowned authors, agents, publishers, aspiring authors and good friends, can not fail to renew even the most weary of reader / writers as me. ‬‪

Life, as you know, has got to me somewhat over the last few months and whilst I was sad my writing stalled, I was more upset that my reading stopped.  I haven't read a book in roughly 10 months, and my regular doses of escapism into the pages of prose of my favourite authors, were much missed. ‬‪

Now however, I am back reading.  I'm not tearing through the pages at the rate I used to, but I'm enjoying the stuff that I am reading, and probably if I'm honest getting more from the story and the writing than I used too.  It is a wonderful feeling to be able to lose myself in the imaginations of others again, instead of staring at rows of words on a page wondering what they all mean.‬‪

I'm also around here a little more.  The writing is once more beginning to flow, my brain is beginning to seek out and store potential blogisodes, and hopefully the posting will become more and more regular. 

With life the way it is I don't know how long it's going to last, I do know however that for now, I am enjoying myself again.‬‪‬



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Pinch, punch, first of the month

So a quick update then, I'm in the middle of the first of my nightshifts that make up my six weekly 'Hell Weekend', and I'm blogging...

I'm writing up all the posts that I've been promising myself I'll do for the last month, to help keep myself awake and actually enjoying myself. I'd almost forgotten how much I enjoy this place, so keep your readers primed, your eye's peeled and check your RSS feeds regularly, there be some readin' a comin' your way...
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Today I'm loving

The sheer randomness of Google* searches that have led people to this little corner of the blogosphere…

Including

How tall is Richard Farleigh
The meaning of you = you do not understand
Sorry for being bad at keeping in touch
Mafia wars irritating blackberry advertising
Nights shifts in Liverpool
The catharsis of bad writing

And most interestingly….

7 months post nose job



*and other search engines

It's all go..

Well, I have an hour left to go before I finish work, and a busy day ahead planned.

From here I'm driving 40 miles over the to parents house for a bit of kip before going out with the P's, Sister and Nephews for lunch to celebrate my Dad's birthday.

At the moment I'm cross with my mum who thinks that getting up at 11.00am to make my sisters by 12.00 for lunch is a suitable amount of sleep for someone who only got in at 7.30 and has been awake for 23 hours....

Still I have to do it because I need to make sure I've left their place and am on my way home by 3pm, in order to avoid rush hour traffic and make the 50 mile journey as easy as possible.

(Sometimes I think that it's a good job I enjoy driving)

Plus I need to be in and out of my house before the House Husband comes home just after 5 as I am spending tonight at the boyfriends place, because tomorrow will be a busy morning followed by a very long day.

Tomorrow I need to drop the boyfriend off 20 miles away at 8am. He has hired a car for us for out weekend away and that's were he has to collect it. From there, it's back to his to leave my car, and pack the hire car, as we want to be on our way by 9.30

It's a long way to Harrogate but we're both excited and hoping it will help the journey pass reasonably quickly.

Once we've made it and it's straight to the bar where I have a feeling we'll still be in the earl hours, so like I said a long day....

But stay tuned, I'll try and do the odd quick e-mail post thanks to the power of the Blackberry, otherwise you can have the full round up when I get back...

Life moves on

and it’s moving on quite nicely. Okay so I still have this dratted divorce thingy to get over and done with which is something that is causing me plenty headaches, but I now have lots of things to look forward too.

On Friday, I’m off to my third Theakstons Old Peculiar Crime Writing Festival in Harrogate, which if I’m honest is THE social event of my year, (previous years) and I’m all excited as per usual. In fact I’m even more excited than usual. Not only is the new boyfriend attending with me this year, which means getting a whole weekend with him, this year sees the biggest contingent from my favourite forum putting in an appearance. I’ll get to have a good old catch up with several friends I’ve not seen since last year, but there will also me many more that I’ve spoken to a lot, but not met yet for me to catch up with, and put real faces to dodgy screen names and avatars.

In September, I’m off to London to stay with a friend for the weekend, combining some sight seeing with a trip to see Mark B at the Comedy Store, and I’m also currently attempting, albeit unsuccessfully at the moment, to arrange another night out / stop over with a friend who lives in Nottingham.

On top of that I’ve also got promises of a night out at home with a girl I used to work with some time ago who recently got back in touch via Facebook, and a lunch out with another couple I have lost touch with over the last six months.

Oh I feel like a social butterfly, well no actually I feel like I’m a normal person with a normal life. Finally.

Without doing too much of the boring, old relationship rantathon, I’ve never been one for going off gallivanting round the country visiting friends and socialising. I’ve never been one for socialising at home either, but neither of these are through a desire to be that way. The reasons behind this both lie with the House Husband, you see he has always been one of those people who likes to be invited to do things by others whereas I am the opposite. I will invite people to do things with us, I will invite myself round to other peoples, I will make plans. I like to have things to look forward too, it makes the crappy days easier to deal with. So quite often, plans weren’t made, and when they were, more often than not, we would get to the day of said plans and the House Husband would cancel them, because ‘he just didn’t feel like it’.

So now, I’m back to badgering my friends, making plans, and arranging visits and trips and nights out, and actually doing them. It feels great, I feel happy, and every time I reach for my diary to pencil something in the future looks a little brighter…

Quote of the Day

The purpose of life is to fight maturity

- Dick Werthimer




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Coming soon...

I promise..

An update on my fantastic day at Bristol Zoo, and the weekend I spent with one of my best mates down in Hawkhurst.

I even have pictures! :)


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A Normal Day

Imagine that!

Yes, today I think I have had what seems to be my first normal day in months.

I'm guessing it's not a complete return to normality, I'm thinking it's more of a sporadic little burst, but it's a welcome change anyhoo...

So what, I hear you ask have I spent the day doing?

Well.. I had an enjoyable morning shopping in Cheltenham which is a great place to visit even if you just want a hang out day with your friends.

I took the plunge and went for a full bra fitting service in Triumph which was an experience that was much better than I could have anticipated but did end up with me leaving the shop 38 quid lighter after purchasing a posh new set...

I also whiled away a pleasant half hour watching the world go by in a charming little cafe, spent more money on new clothes for a weekend away with the boyfriend in a months time, and wandered round many a games shop trying to decide between buying Guitar Hero or House Of The Dead - Overkill for my Nintendo Wii...

Once that was done it was back home to drop off the shopping before heading out to the pub for a couple of pints in the sunshine...

I used to have lunch at the pub on my own a lot on my days off and yet it seems another of those things that I don't seem to have done for as long as I remember.

So I grabbed my laptop, and my car keys and went off to play 'stalker girlfriend' :) well okay not quite, but I did go here....





(which is where the boyfriend works) so I could have an enjoyable bit of eye candy while I (wait for it) ACTUALLY DID SOME WRITING!!!!!! Please don't all faint at once. Yes, I did some writing as well as composing this little blogisode. Can you not see the stupid grin I have on my face right now?

It's all good you know, and the rest of the day? Well I haz a new game and a new toy gun for my Wii so I have spent the last few hours laughing my head off and killing Zombies....

Whilst I'm not here...

if you want to stay in touch you can still catch up with me...

here

and

here

alternatively if you're on facebook...
search for JoKawasaki and feel free to add me as a friend...

just put 'Bertbags' in the comments and I'll know where you've come from ...

A smidge of recognition was all it needed....

We’ll here I am posting for the second time this month on my recently rather neglected little blog. (don’t all faint at once)

I’ve been a bit absent of late because I love this little place of mine, and it means a lot to me. I am however as you know in the midst of divorce and an awful lot of my time is spent meandering the various paths of Anger, Self-pity, confusion and many a more morose route, so, out of respect for my readers, the random droppers by and myself I really had to walk away for a little while. The last thing I want is to turn this place into a monument to my marital failings, I just want to keep it, as I always intended, as a place where I can hang out with friends and have a laugh at a rather awful world.

For now however, I am an excited and re-vitalised little blogger, because I have News..... News that has made me a very smiley happy Jo

I iz gonna be in a book

In fact I iz gonna be in this book. There’s gonna be a cool (and rather large) picture of me, along with some text from my first ever blogisode.

It’s out on December 1st and I am all excited.

My head hurts

I've had a row with my husband, I can't get hold of my boyfriend or any of my friends on the phone, and now I've got to take a disciplinary action out at work against one of my colleagues, who has place a personal insult about me on a computer system accessible by around two thirds of my company...

Peter makes Jo share

but in the nicest possible way...



Given the way I have been so absorbed in my own issues of late it was nice to read this post of Peter's which made me remember how much enjoyment comes from giving, and as such, sign up to do the following....

I will make something and pass it on to the first five people that comment on this post and agree to the following -

1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make. Whatcha get is whatcha get.

2. What I create will be just for you, with love.

3. It'll be done this year (2009).

4. I will not give you any clue what it's going to be. It will be something made in the real world and not something cyber. It may be weird or beautiful. Or it may be monstrous and annoying. Heck, I might bake something for you and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!

5. I reserve the right to do something strange.

6. In return, all you need to do is: Post this text on your blog and make 5 things for the first 5 to respond to this.

7. Send your mailing address - after I contact you.

So come on... who's up for something random, created just for you, by this rather odd blogger?

Ups and downs are only to be expected

which I know, but can’t accept.

Down in the dumps….

I’ve been bouncing around a lot emotionally over the last few months and it has been showing an awful lot in my attitude to life, the universe and everything. So home, work, hobbies, and friends have all been neglected of late. My writing has dried up* and there has been a sustained level of non-blogging for the last few weeks.

My only regular activities seem to have been way to much time spent on Facebook and increased activity on Twitter.**

It’s only to be expected of me at the moment I suppose, as I’m currently trying to live my life, as well as I can whilst beginning divorce proceedings against the House Husband. It’s all very sad, because we have been together 15 years and it’s a lot of history to put behind me. I still care a great deal for the man, but haven’t been in love with him for a very long time. I’ve never been selfish, being one to always put other people first and so I’ve been struggling to do what must be done, which is put myself first. This is not being helped by everyone that we know and have told being sympathetic towards him, and treating me as the villain, because I was the one who finally found the confidence to stand up and say, ‘This horse is dead you know, we can stop flogging it now.’

My parents have done their job in all of this well, they have been understanding, have listened to me vent for hours, have been to visit, and have hugged and offered support as and when required. They also pointed out in the nicest possible way that ‘it’s about time too, you haven’t been happy for years.’ If I’m honest they’re probably right, but funny how they only feel it’s okay to say that now huh?

So the bad stuff in my life is moving along, but way too slowly and leaving me feeling like I’m living in limbo land at the moment. Every decision that needs to be made is dependant on another decision that usually can’t be made, because that relies on the actions of somebody else.

The bright spot on the horizon….

Yes there is one. A very good one.

I’ve been wanting to blog about my bright spot for a while but have avoided it for superstitious reasons, but now I don’t think I need to worry anymore, so I’ll tell you all. - I have a boyfriend.

Now I’m not going to go all gushy on you and sit here waxing lyrical about my feelings for him, because that’s kinda pointless, and only going to make you all think I’m wandering of into the sunset armed with a pair of rose tinted glasses, which is something I’m firmly making every effort not to do. I’m doing my best to be realistic, and keeping myself in check, so if you see me at anytime going gushy you have my permission to give me a verbal slap, okay?

What I will say is that he has brought about a sense of balance in my life, not completely but almost, which is something I am most thankful for. I have a person I can talk to about all the bad stuff who is actually sitting in front of me at the time, instead of over the interchoobs, via text messages, or down a virtual phone line from my mobile. I am grateful for the friends I have who I can only talk to that way, and who have supported me over the last few months but you still can’t beat a real person, looking you in the eye while they listen.

We have been together a while, have even done the whole family introductions, and it’s getting to a nice comfortable stage. We have niggles, or should I say I have niggles, but I’m learning to do the one thing I’ve never really done, and actually talk them out. It’s refreshing. I’ve never been great at telling people what I’m thinking or feeling, but now I can and like I say the change is good.

I’m also thinking the Tai Chi I’ve finally got round to learning, and doing once or twice a week is actually helping too.

So whilst life is handing me lemons with one hand, I’m trying to use them to make lemonade, some days I manage it, some I don’t, but I am at least working on the recipe.





*as anyone who reads my 100 words a day blog will notice
** especially since I can once more send and receive updates via text.

Question

Last week I totally forgot that my @replies also get published on my twitter feeds….

So I rather inadvertently made an announcement I wasn't planning on making just yet.

Did you notice?

Did you not understand the meaning of the word 'festival'?

The local I drink in is currently promoting cask beer as part of it's real ale festival, and I love real ales, enjoying any chance I get to partake in drinking my favourite beers or to try new varieties from some of the UK's hundreds of micro-breweries.

So had I been in any other pub when I saw the following I would have been looking forward to the experimentation ahead...



The reason I'm not? - My local ONLY SERVES three ales!

This weeks excuses

For lack of attendance/posting of late.

I'm currently addicted to Mafia Wars on Facebook...

I REALLY MUST get out more...


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More new and unwanted feelings

Today I'm feeling selfish. It's another feeling I don't do normally and I don't like it.

Right now there is someone in my life that I am enjoying spending all my spare time with, this is easy at the moment as this person is out of work, but in all honesty this someone really needs a job. I know this and I really want them to find one.

Alas, an opportunity has arisen, but it means working Monday to Friday, which in turn means I won't be able to spend time with this person anymore.

I'm finding myself wishing they don't to get the job because I will lose out, and apart from making me miserable at the prospect of not getting to see them, I'm even more miserable at the fact that I am thinking this way.

Grrr... Why can't life be simple?

Lori cracks me up..

Ok I soooo have to do this

I haz a new toy

And I think I've just got it all set up so I can blog on the go...

You never know, you might even get more regular updates from me now. ;)

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Let the catharsis commence (a.k.a. Being bad, but getting better or Venting is good)

Fact:- I am bad at dealing with my feelings and emotions.

No. Scratch that.

I am bad at talking about my feelings and emotions, particularly with the people they revolve around, who are precisely the people I should be talking to.

Instead, I do what I’m doing now. Get quiet and thoughtful, obsess about things for a while, then grab a pen or pick up my keyboard and write.

Whenever I have stuff I need to say I end up bottling it up and saying nothing. I go quiet, and I don’t speak. Then will come the inevitable question ‘Are you OK?’, and I always answer ‘I’m Fine’.

The thing is generally I’m never actually fine. For me, ‘Fine’ simply means yes there is something wrong, but I’m not ready to talk about it (and probably won't anyway). I am blessed that there are one or two people in my life who won’t let me get away with it, but there are far too many people who do.

So here I am, obsessing, writing, and dealing with life in the only way I know how, because there is stuff I need to vent so I can work on my life goal of being happy.


Bad Feelings….? - Definitely

In all my life I have never been a jealous person. I have never understood how or why people would be jealous. I know more about the moon than I know about being jealous. Until now, and I don’t like it, in fact I hate it. It is an irrational fear, a negative emotion, and something I don’t want to feel but I can’t seem to help. It is one of those things that I have to deal with, and I need to do quickly, because the person it revolves around will forever be part of my life and I’m not prepared to let my neuroses spoil one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

See, I feel better already, just for writing those words and admitting I have an issue, and yes, I mean I, no one else, just me. So if you’ve got any words of wisdom, let me know. I have a cut that needs healing, only at the moment all I keep doing is peeling off the scab.


Bad Habit…? - Maybe

My mobile phone has of late become the most precious thing in my life. It is my lifeline to the ones I love, I have however become an incessant text-er, almost to (and if I am honest probably beyond) the point of irritation. I’m trying to curb my habits but the following joke e-mail a friend sent to me summed up why I am like I am…

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came
to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'

'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.

'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.

Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.' The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveller asked.

'I'm sorry sir, but we don't accept pets.'

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'

'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'

'How about my friend here?' the traveller gestured to the dog.

'There should be a bowl by the pump.'

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

'What do you call this place?' the traveller asked.

'This is Heaven,' he answered.

'Well, that's confusing,' the traveller said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'

'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'

'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'

'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'

Soooo...

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word. Maybe this will explain. When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.

When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.

Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?

A forwarded joke.

So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime!

So to all my friends who've been on the receiving end of my text obsession, sorry guys you'll just have to keep dealing with it, 'cos I love ya.


Bad Ending….? - New Beginning

The House Husband and I are getting divorced. There I’ve said it. It’s been on the cards for months, and is finally it seems, becoming a reality. We have discovered we make better friends, than life partners. I’m sad it’s over, but I’m looking forward to the adventures ahead.

Nose Job

So since tomorrow is Comic Relief day, and I'm too idle to go to the shops and buy a proper red nose, I went all digital and got a cyber one instead...






It only costs a pound, so come on, do your bit, go and get yours here

In need of a fix

I never expected that

I've found out today that my mum has been reading my Facebook page...

eek!