and it’s moving on quite nicely. Okay so I still have this dratted divorce thingy to get over and done with which is something that is causing me plenty headaches, but I now have lots of things to look forward too.
On Friday, I’m off to my third Theakstons Old Peculiar Crime Writing Festival in Harrogate, which if I’m honest is THE social event of my year, (previous years) and I’m all excited as per usual. In fact I’m even more excited than usual. Not only is the new boyfriend attending with me this year, which means getting a whole weekend with him, this year sees the biggest contingent from my favourite forum putting in an appearance. I’ll get to have a good old catch up with several friends I’ve not seen since last year, but there will also me many more that I’ve spoken to a lot, but not met yet for me to catch up with, and put real faces to dodgy screen names and avatars.
In September, I’m off to London to stay with a friend for the weekend, combining some sight seeing with a trip to see Mark B at the Comedy Store, and I’m also currently attempting, albeit unsuccessfully at the moment, to arrange another night out / stop over with a friend who lives in Nottingham.
On top of that I’ve also got promises of a night out at home with a girl I used to work with some time ago who recently got back in touch via Facebook, and a lunch out with another couple I have lost touch with over the last six months.
Oh I feel like a social butterfly, well no actually I feel like I’m a normal person with a normal life. Finally.
Without doing too much of the boring, old relationship rantathon, I’ve never been one for going off gallivanting round the country visiting friends and socialising. I’ve never been one for socialising at home either, but neither of these are through a desire to be that way. The reasons behind this both lie with the House Husband, you see he has always been one of those people who likes to be invited to do things by others whereas I am the opposite. I will invite people to do things with us, I will invite myself round to other peoples, I will make plans. I like to have things to look forward too, it makes the crappy days easier to deal with. So quite often, plans weren’t made, and when they were, more often than not, we would get to the day of said plans and the House Husband would cancel them, because ‘he just didn’t feel like it’.
So now, I’m back to badgering my friends, making plans, and arranging visits and trips and nights out, and actually doing them. It feels great, I feel happy, and every time I reach for my diary to pencil something in the future looks a little brighter…
I will make something and pass it on to the first five people that comment on this post and agree to the following -
1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make. Whatcha get is whatcha get.
2. What I create will be just for you, with love.
3. It'll be done this year (2009).
4. I will not give you any clue what it's going to be. It will be something made in the real world and not something cyber. It may be weird or beautiful. Or it may be monstrous and annoying. Heck, I might bake something for you and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
5. I reserve the right to do something strange.
6. In return, all you need to do is: Post this text on your blog and make 5 things for the first 5 to respond to this.
7. Send your mailing address - after I contact you.
Fact:- I am bad at dealing with my feelings and emotions.
No. Scratch that.
I am bad at talking about my feelings and emotions, particularly with the people they revolve around, who are precisely the people I should be talking to.
Instead, I do what I’m doing now. Get quiet and thoughtful, obsess about things for a while, then grab a pen or pick up my keyboard and write.
Whenever I have stuff I need to say I end up bottling it up and saying nothing. I go quiet, and I don’t speak. Then will come the inevitable question ‘Are you OK?’, and I always answer ‘I’m Fine’.
The thing is generally I’m never actually fine. For me, ‘Fine’ simply means yes there is something wrong, but I’m not ready to talk about it (and probably won't anyway). I am blessed that there are one or two people in my life who won’t let me get away with it, but there are far too many people who do.
So here I am, obsessing, writing, and dealing with life in the only way I know how, because there is stuff I need to vent so I can work on my life goal of being happy.
Bad Feelings….? - Definitely
In all my life I have never been a jealous person. I have never understood how or why people would be jealous. I know more about the moon than I know about being jealous. Until now, and I don’t like it, in fact I hate it. It is an irrational fear, a negative emotion, and something I don’t want to feel but I can’t seem to help. It is one of those things that I have to deal with, and I need to do quickly, because the person it revolves around will forever be part of my life and I’m not prepared to let my neuroses spoil one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
See, I feel better already, just for writing those words and admitting I have an issue, and yes, I mean I, no one else, just me. So if you’ve got any words of wisdom, let me know. I have a cut that needs healing, only at the moment all I keep doing is peeling off the scab.
Bad Habit…? - Maybe
My mobile phone has of late become the most precious thing in my life. It is my lifeline to the ones I love, I have however become an incessant text-er, almost to (and if I am honest probably beyond) the point of irritation. I’m trying to curb my habits but the following joke e-mail a friend sent to me summed up why I am like I am…
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came
to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'
'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.
'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.
Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.' The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveller asked.
'I'm sorry sir, but we don't accept pets.'
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'
'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'
'How about my friend here?' the traveller gestured to the dog.
'There should be a bowl by the pump.'
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
'What do you call this place?' the traveller asked.
'This is Heaven,' he answered.
'Well, that's confusing,' the traveller said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'
'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.''Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'
'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'
Soooo...
Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word. Maybe this will explain. When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.
When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.
When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.
Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?
A forwarded joke.
So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.
You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime!
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